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Discussion guide

Dialogues in order to present the theoretical framework once again in a practical manner

Check list:

An important feature of cybermobbing is the higher number of actors involved. The viewer radius is not spatially limited.

Therefore, the following should be noted:

  • Signal that the helper is not alone. See together who can help out of the social environment.
  • In the first discussion make clear, never to respond to the insults etc.
  • Secure proofs by e.g. Screenshots
  • Inform school (as a possible crime scene)
  • To proof the rights
  • If necessary, turn on the police
  • https://www.internet-beschwerdestelle.de informieren, um eine Löschung zu beantragen

Case Study Sexting

How private can be a social media tool for intimate exchange?

Andreas (16) and Johanna (15) are a couple. They go to different schools, do not see each other daily, and flirt all the more about social networks. They send themselves pictures, with corresponding erotic texts. Both are very much in love and show their received photos to the "best friends". Now among the friends but also one who would like to have Johanna as a girlfriend. He wants to annoy Andreas and send these flirt scenes - and not just these - to friends.

Sexting = "Sex" and "Texting" - exchange of intimate photos, provided with text

prehistory

Andreas, 16, a year ago still outwardly unattractive, finally manages to be looked at in the school. Suddenly everyone is interested in him, also Johanna, 15 years old. c

Both are in love with each other and spend a lot of time together after school. They flirt and send photos of themselves with erotic texts. Both are very much in love and show their received photos to the "best friends". Among the friends is one who would like to have Johanna as a girlfriend. He wants to annoy Andreas and send these flirt scenes - and not just these - to friends.

Andreas is shocked when he learns of the vulgarity of his friend. He sees the erotic photos published with him and Johanna on the net and provided with amusing comments. But that is not all. Parallel to the photos are also older photos of Andreas, which show him how he used to look. Among the photos Andreas reads the most abominable comments about him. Andreas feels uncomfortable, Johanna does not want to see him again, his friend has betrayed him, school is made fun of him again, he is alone and therefore hardly goes to school. He is desperate and does not know any more.

One month later

Andreas can no longer stand this situation and turns to the psychological support of his school, in the hope of getting support in his situation:

1. Contact

Andreas knocks at the door.

Consultant:
"Come in! My name is Kathrin. What is your name? "Welcomes the social worker Andreas and asks him to take a seat.
Andreas:
"My name is Andreas."
Consultant:
"What can I do for you?"
Andreas:
"I do not know any more ... I feel alone."
Consultant:
"You're not doing well, hm?"

Andreas shakes his head sadly.

Consultant:
"A lot of things do not go so well in life. Do you have any idea what it is with you? "

Andreas interrupts his tears.

Consultant:
"Andreas, you can trust me! I am subject to secrecy. All you entrust to me is here in this room! "
Andreas:
It's so much ... pain, am sad, ... disappointed ... and actually I am totally messed up ...! "
Consultant:
"What is the reason? (...) or who has triggered these feelings with you? "
Andreas:
"My best friend".
Consultant:
"Understand. It must be a great disappointment for you. "
Andreas:
"Yes."
Consultant:
"Do you like to tell about it?"

2. Clarification phase

Andreas feels good in general and begins to tell: about his past, the difficulties he had in school, to be accepted because of his appearance, the desire to have a girlfriend and to be a very normal boy, from Johanna, from his friend (…).

Consultant:
"You are very disappointed and very hurt. You trusted your friend very much. And you do not understand why he did that? "
Andreas:
"Yes, how could he do it ..."
Consultant:
"Have you talked to your friend about this?"
Andreas:
"He gets out of my way ..."

The clarification phase can take longer until all the persons relevant to the situation are taken into consideration, get their place in the story and the consultant gets a comprehensive picture of all participants.

Consultant:
"Nice that you trust me and tell so much. A lot has come together. "
Andreas:
"What should I do now?"

3. Focus

In this phase questions are asked which lead Andreas to solutions. Andreas is the expert, and is cautiously approaching possible solutions and perspectives.

Consultant:
"What could you imagine, could you do well?"
Andreas:
"That's the way it used to be before ... before it all happened. Would like to go to school again. "
Consultant:
"What would have to happen to get back to school?"
Andreas:
"I do not know. I have to think about it. May I come back? "
Consultant:
"With pleasure. Then let us make a second appointment and in the meantime you have enough time to think. "

4. Farewell

Consultant:
"What do you need from me, so that you can get well until we meet again?"
Andreas:
Nothing really, I'm glad to be rid of everything."
Consultant:
"We've talked for over an hour now, and you've been thinking a lot about everything. What do you say when we meet again on Wednesday. With pleasure I take another hour for you. "
Andreas:
"Wednesday I can not."
Consultant:
"What day suits you?"
Andreas:
"Yes, Thursday, but at 2 o'clock, when you go with me, I do not like that later."
Consultant:
"Ok, Andreas, that fits me well. Then we meet again at 2 pm on Thursday. Here's my card if something changes. "

In this example, it becomes clear that several discussions are necessary here and now a process has started. The trust of Andreas to the mentor is not yet very stable and he would under no circumstances want anyone to know that he has asked for advice. The conversation still did good to him, otherwise he would not make a follow-up date and leave it at one time. Adolescents are very sensitive in their perception and are frightened slightly back when they do not feel taken seriously in their concerns.

In the second session, Andreas seems more relaxed. He is glad talking to someone about his problem. He feels taken seriously and well cared for. The fact that he has addressed his problem has made him more confident and optimistic. Now it can come to a solution of its problem. The time intervals are very helpful. He does not feel pressured and can continue to decide which steps would be good for him. For a growing individual, it is very important to remain independent and appear "cool". He feels that he is at the right counseling center.

Consultant:
"Andreas, nice to meet you, you make a more relaxed impression on me, what happened in the meantime?"
Andreas:
"I'm glad I can come and talk with you about it."
Consultant:
"Who else could support you? Did you tell your parents about it? "
Andreas:
"No, I do not dare. They would immediately turn to the parents of my classmates. And then they laugh more about me at school. "
Consultant:
"Understand. And did you worry about what would have to happen to go back to school? "
Andreas:
"Yes, maybe Johanna? A conversation with her? "
Consultant:
"What happens in this conversation?"

This question can also be combined with a miracle question. In the presentation of such miracles, teenagers are also able to shape their lives because they have a picture of how their lives can look. It gives them tremendous strength when they feel they can continue to live their lives and pursue their normal, everyday activities.

Consultant:
"Imagine, during the night, while you sleep, a miracle happens, and your problem that has brought you here is solved, just (snapping your fingers). What is the conversation with Johanna? "

At the following talks, Andreas gained more and more confidence. At the same time, he gains the courage to talk about his problem with his parents and later also with Johanna. To trust each other plays a decisive role in getting back to school. Normality returns to his life and Andreas relies on the fact that his relationship with his classmates will also normalize.

farewell

Consultant:
"What else can I do for you?"
Andreas:
"Can I come back if I should need you?"
Consultant:
"Definitely! Even if you do not need me, I'm just glad to hear from you. "
Andreas:
"Thank you. Bye."
Consultant:
"Bye, Andreas."

Case Study Posing

Do you make photos in networks more popular and famous?

Anna, 14 years, has fallen in love and her boyfriend (15) quit. Anna is inconsolable. What remains is love. Her girlfriends console her, listen (at best) and accompany Anna in her painful experience. Now the EX friend comes to her and writes: "I miss you, your body, our sex. Can you take a nude and send me the picture?

I want you back. "Anna sends the photo. Unfortunately this was not meant seriously by her EX-friend and the photo lands in the next minute on the smartphones of all friends.

Posing - Exciting self-presentation

prehistory

Anna, 14 years, has fallen in love and her boyfriend (15) quit. Anna is inconsolable. What remains is love affliction.

Her friends comfort her and listen (in the best case) and accompany Anna in her painful experience. Now the EX friend comes up to her and writes: "I miss you, your body, our sex. Can you send me the picture naked? I will go with you again. "Anna sends the photo. Unfortunately this was not meant seriously by her EX-friend and the photo lands in the next minute on the smartphones of all friends.

1. Contact

Anna visits a youth club several times a week.

Social Worker:
"Hello Anna, you seem to be sad? Is that true?"
Anna:
"No, I'm just bored."
Social Worker:
"Boredom?"
Anna:
"Yes"
Social Worker:
"Should we Play a game?"
Anna:
"No, no pleasure."

Another girl comes in to the door and Anna scares. She does not want to be seen and turns around.

The social pedagogue takes the situation, goes back to Anna, puts her hand on her shoulder and says: "The world out there is quite bad, isn´t it?"

Anna starts to cry.

The social pedagogue consoles and begins to tell.

2. Clarification phase

Anna tells from her perspective what happened.

Social Worker:
"I understand, you are ashamed, because your pictures now see also other students. You're angry with your ex that he's doing something so mean. And, you feel marginalized. Is that true?"
Anna:
"Yes. And I do not know who to talk about. I do not like going to my parents. I am so embarrassed. I can not go to school either. "

Anna is crying... the social worker gives her space to cry.

Social Worker:
"Your friend has violated the right of his own image, which is a crime and hurts, I can not change what happened, but I can help you decide how it can go on.
Anna:
"Yes"

3. Focus

Social Worker:
"What would happen to get you back to school?"
Anna:
"I do not know. I'm afraid everyone laughs at me and is ashamed. "
Social Worker:
"I can understand that well. Do you have a favorite tale? "
Anna:
"Yes."
Social Worker:
"What is it's name."
Anna:
"Sleeping Beauty."
Social Worker:
"What role of Sleeping Beauty would you like to take?"
Anna:
"Behind the roses Sleeping Beauty, is sleeping. For there Sleeping Beauty is safe. "
Social Worker:
"The roses or the safety Sleeping Beauty?"
Anna:
"The safety Sleeping Beauty."
Social Worker:
"Sleeping Beauty has left the security when the prince came at the right time in the right place. I am not a prince, but at the right time in the right place. May I go to school and talk to your classmates? "
Anna:
"And me?"
Social Worker:
"You'll stay with your parents tomorrow."
Anna:
"Oh God, with my parents?"
Social Worker:
"Yes why not?"
Anna:
"Because ... I'm ashamed."
Social Worker:
"What are you afraid of?"
Anna:
"That they ask embarrassing questions."
Social Worker:
"We could ask your parents not to do that in the next 2 weeks. What do you think?"
Anna:
"They do not."
Social Worker:
"Are you a fortune teller? Then show me something about your gift, I would like to be able to do it. "
Anna:
"No, but I know that."
Social Worker:
"From where. Have you ever tried it? "
Anna:
"No."
Social Worker:
"Well then, let's try it out! I'll come along and support you. I call your parents and ask them to stay here until I go home with you. At home, we ask for the agreement not to ask you in the next 14 days no embarrassing questions. Tomorrow you may stay at home under one condition. "
Anna:
"Which one?"
Social Worker:
"Please do not answer tomorrow no single message, no matter who it comes from."
Anna:
"Okay."

Fairy tales offer 95 per cent positive solutions with the following message: Life can be managed even under difficult conditions and in the face of conflicts. It does not matter if someone is rich or beautiful. It is the good, the development and the potential of every human being who count.

The fairy tales are often "keys" to their own biography, and thus are a maverick - for children and adolescents.

In Anna's case, it took a lot of courage to go out with the shame. That's why we have adopted the fairy tale as a courage. Furthermore, it is clear in this dialogue that it often needs several sources of assistance.

In the further course

On the same evening, the socialworker informed the police and asked the complaints center in writing for assistance.

On the following day, there was a class conference with the school social worker, the teacher and the pupils, with the following methods and results:

  • Methods: Rolling, group work, single talks with girlfriends
  • Results:
    • All students deleted the picture from the smartphone while the teacher was in.
    • All the students together developed ideas to meet Anna and to respect her.
    • A set of rules has been defined for dealing with each other.

After her one-day time out, Anna was received by the school in the class community. It still took 5-7 days until normal life was lived in school life. The parents agreed not to ask embarrassing questions and gave Anna the necessary protection of the family.

After days Anna told her parents about her experiences.

Case study Grooming

Do you know who is really online?

"Lilly, 14 years, is with a very free-standing profile at Facebook. In the net she meets Phillip (allegedly 16 years), who as a fatherly friend spends and is actually called Hans-Peter 35 years). He listens to her and increasingly she trusts him. He sends her compliments, she finally gets attention and feels secure. "Phillip" asks Lilly for a picture of her. The exchange with text and images will become more intimate and the demands will be more. Meanwhile Lilly has published her personal data and Phillip wants to visit her because his aim is a sexual act.

Allegedly grooming - beginning sexual contacts over the Internet

prehistory

"Lilly 14 years is with a very free-standing profile at Facebook. In the net she meets Phillip (supposedly 16 years), who is a good friend and is actually called Hans-Peter and 35 years old. He listens to her and increasingly she trusts him. He sends her compliments, she finally gets attention and feels secure. "Phillip" asks Lilly for a picture of her. The exchange with text and images will become more intimate and the demands will be more. Meanwhile, Lilly has issued her personal data and Phillip wants absolutely to visit her.

They meet Lilly at home, unexpectedly Lilly gets a visit from a girlfriend and is therefore not alone as "Phillip" rings the door bell. He goes away immediately, because his aim was a sexual act (with Lilly). He insults Lilly immediately over the chat and make her pressure for another meeting.

Lilly has not expected the violent outburst and the Shitstorm and is totally frustrated. Additional stress with the friend, who has so far understood her so well and with whom she has discussed intimate things, she can not handle. He also looked different, much older than he had described in the net. Lilly is totally insecure, but does not want to talk to her parents, who do not understand them anyway. She also dare not go home alone. When the pressure of Phillip becomes too great, she spends more time at the youth center than at school. This is noticed by a supervisor and he addresses them.

1. Contact

supervisor:
"Hello Lilly, nice that you come to us so often. Do you like it here?"
Lilly:
"Yes..."
supervisor:
"There is almost nobody left today, do you like to go for a walk with me?"
Lilly:
"Mmmh, I don´t know,..."
supervisor:
"What do you want to do?"
Lilly:
"Do not know, everything is shit, ..."
supervisor:
"Really everything?"
Lilly:
"Yes, nobody can be trusted, ..."
supervisor:
"Yes, sometimes you are very disappointed. Sometimes of those of whom we least expect it. Do you know this when you do not know what to do? "
Lilly:
"Yes, no one understands me, everyone uses me and you know nothing."
supervisor:
"Correct. I do not know everything, but if you need an opinion or someone to listen to - I can do that. "
Lilly:
"I've already believed that! And I can not trust you either! "
supervisor:
"OK, but you know me. You are also talking to me here in conversation. Have you ever heard me gossip? "
Lilly:
"No"
supervisor:
"Well, how about a chance? We can try it together. As soon as you feel uncomfortable, you can break off at any time. "

Lilly is deliberate and hesitant to portray her situation step by step.

2. Clarification phase

Lilly:
"I'm so stupid, I just have stress at home, and then I find someone I can talk to ..."
supervisor:
"Yes, but you're not stupid. What was so great about talking to him? "
Lilly:
"He was so cute and wrote so nicely. He understood me as the only one and I told him so much about me and sent photos! I never thought he was lying to me. Now he haunts me, knows where I live and I dare not go home any more. Besides, he's old. "
supervisor:
"Ok, I understand, he not only hurt your feelings, but also threatens you?"
Lilly:
"Yes exactly and my girlfriend constantly asks me who this was, what should I tell her? She laughs at me. I told her what a nice friend I have to whom I am really important. Not like those of these stupid bitches, mine is not so stupid and childish. "
supervisor:
"Do you think, you are stupid before your friends?"
Lilly:
"Yes sure! What do you think? I've said enough. "
supervisor:
…
Lilly:
…

The clarification phase takes different lengths of time.

Lilly has agreed on another date and wants to find out what she can do. She can not handle her own problem.

Short insight into the second discussion day (focus):

…

Lilly:
"Do you think that everything will get better again?"
supervisor:
"What should become better Lilly?"
Lilly:
"Well, the man leaves me alone, that I can talk to my parents, that I do not think I am a fool. "
supervisor:
"What would your parents do when they learned of the man?"
Lilly:
"They would get out of the way!" And take the mobile phone away and forbid the Internet! "

In the focus phase, it may be crucial to give the young people time to answer the questions. Thinking processes are stimulated and the young people develop useful solutions for them. In the first moment is verbalized what they expect from reactions from the respective persons. If the coach waits in this case a little and give the youth time, it may be that further considerations follow.

Lilly:
"Well, maybe they also ask me who is that and if something happened to me ... "
supervisor:
"So it could be that they are worried about you?"
Lilly:
"Maybe they make theaters or call the police. I feel so embarrassed! "

Here are a few additional questions that could be asked in the focus phase:

  • What would happen if you showed the man?
  • What would happen when you tell your friends what happened to you?
  • Do you believe that girlfriends of you ever had something similar happened?
  • What could you do to prevent this?
  • If you do not want to lead the conversation alone, is there someone you want to take with you? "
  • If you could choose it, who would that be?

What is crucial at this stage is to make Lilly realize that this is not a harmless incident she is to blame. This is a criminal offense - an advertisement with the police is important here! What Lilly needs is support and protection in the parents' home, friends and school.

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